I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
