Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
