nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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