she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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