he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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