I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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