just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
