"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
