Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
