She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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