Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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