Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
