there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
