Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize