Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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