Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize