Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
