she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So vagazzling was a success
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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