So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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