I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
