After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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