if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize