Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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