im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
