1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
