No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize