He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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