This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
