I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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