i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize