dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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