The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
