Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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