Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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