She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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