just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
