Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
