can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
