dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
