Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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