Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
