You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
