He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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