Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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