God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
