he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize