I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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