so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
