So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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