New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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