Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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