You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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