So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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