Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
