Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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