Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
