we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
