I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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